It doesn’t take much for me to talk about how grateful I am to have met my husband. Sure, we might still be in the “honeymoon phase,” but we’re both smart enough to realize what a great match we are.
I’m lucky — I found him (at a bar) when I was going through a quarter life crisis right after moving across the country. After learning about my strengths and my weakness, I was lucky enough to find a person who helped me realize my full potential and accepts all of my (many) flaws. It seems like a natural progression. As you get older and start understanding yourself more, you find someone who is more in line with what you need and not necessarily just what you want. But, what about those people who despite all their best self-work can’t seem to find “the” one?
Those poor people are subjected to dating in their 30’s — something that no one should have to endure. At 31, I can safely say it’s something I haven’t had to worry about. Listening to my single friends, though, I can’t imagine what they have to deal with. Dating\ in my 20’s was bad enough, but their horror stories make me even more thankful.
I would assume that as we get older dating would become more civil. Well, I would be wrong. Apparently, men and women are just as disrespectful and callous as they were when they were in college. Even if I weren’t happily married, I’d be pretty set on staying with him for as long as possible just because dating seems terrifying nowadays.
Technology has made a lot of things in our society easier, but it has made relationships harder in a lot of ways. Now, dating has nothing to do with your personality. It’s about how close you physically are to another person and how hot (or not) you are. Swipe right for sex and then hopefully never even make eye contact.
“Ghosting” is a new thing that luckily I have never had to withstand. Well, I think it happened to me once, but it didn’t really haunt me for any significant amount of time. This guy I went on a couple of dates with quit texting me after I said: “This better not be the last time I see you,” the last time I left his apartment. To be fair, I met him at a deli, and one of our two dates was at that same deli. I wasn’t expecting much out of the relationship. And even then I’m pretty sure even he eventually texted me back to say it’s not going to work out.
I get it; hurting someone’s feelings is no fun, and it’s bound to happen if you don’t like someone as much as they like you. Even if you are honest and diplomatic, it’s gonna sting. Still, you have to do it. You can’t just hide, like a child, and cut off all communication. That’s immature and cruel. Also, it’s a real wuss move. I’ve never even done an Irish Goodbye so I could never pull off ghosting someone.
Imagine if someone did that to you. The first two texts you’re probably trying not to overthink the radio silence. “They’re busy,” you might think, rationalizing the behavior. Then, after that, you carefully plot out every letter of the next text. Maybe, you consult a friend. Either way, you’re freaking out a little. Then, comes genuine worry and concern mixed with anger followed by shame.
Apparently, though, ghosting is the new norm. Gone are the days you have to let people politely down. Heck, any rude text message breakup is, at least, better than just never texting back again.
One time many months passed since I had talked to a guy, I went on a couple of disastrous dates with. Then one night he texted me: “One more chance.” Ten minutes later he texted: “Delete from phone.” It was hilariously amazing. I never wanted to talk to him again, but I appreciated the passive aggressive and mildly threatening tone.
Hopefully, ghosting is just a passing phase and compassion becomes hip again. I’m not crying out that chivalry is dead I just think a little decency and common courtesy should be expected in the dating world. With hipsters bringing back old school methods I hope love letters beat out a “You up?” text.