Dig Baton Rouge

Get into the Olympic Spirit for cryin’ out loud

Everyone who has watched NBC in the past three months knows that it’s Winter Olympics time. Now I can go in-depth about who the favorites are in hockey, breakdown game tape of how to shave a couple hundredths of a second in a speed skate race, or how messed up Sochi, Russia, really is right now and yet the International Olympic Committee thought it was a great idea to stroke President Vladimir Putin’s ego in the name of international competition. But this column is all about one thing …

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

National pride! Nothing can get me more excited for the Olympics quite like the opportunity to cheer my heart out for America. I love any chance I get to rock the stars and bars while reveling in the awesomeness that is the United States. The great part is that you don’t have to rely on a random cluster of sporting events that happen once every two years between the summer and winter games.

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! 

You can enjoy basking in Ol’ Glory every day of your life! Start with just waking up in the morning. You can get up, look around and love the freedoms this great land provides you. It doesn’t matter if you’re brushing your teeth to get ready for a huge midterm or falling out of a stranger’s bed while swearing off alcohol for the 67th time this year. Before you do that walk of shame, you can generate a small iota of satisfaction that you live in America where you can freely get drunk and fool around with someone whose name you forget!

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

If you need outside inspiration to feel patriotic, look at pop culture. Justin Bieber has recently been giving a black eye to Canada while Jay-Z and Beyonce are becoming American royalty. The newest “Bachelor” is Venezuelan and can’t stop saying ignorant comments about social issues. Stephen Colbert is preaching truthiness and winning Grammys. Who needs European football when American football is setting TV ratings records every year? And the winner is …

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Are the Olympics and pop culture not getting you in the red, white and blue mood? You can always watch iconic movies in a movie marathon … an Americathon! “Die Hard” is the greatest movie of all-time (it’s inarguable to this writer) and revolves around a New York cop taking down a group of foreign terrorists. “Rocky IV” takes the blue-collar champ Rocky Balboa and has him match up with a steroid-abusing Russian set during the cold war. If those two movies don’t wet your USA whistle, I have three words for you: “D2: The Mighty (Mother F***ing) Ducks”!

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

If, for some reason, all of the above ideas to persuade you to wave an American flag with overzealous enthusiasm didn’t work, you can always go to the most influential method of all: your memories. Remember barbeques spent with loved ones on the Fourth of July while watching your first fireworks display. Reflect on the history lessons you were taught in school about how our forefathers fought for this country against all odds in the American Revolution. Think about the goosebumps and raised hairs caused during every impassioned crooning of “Star Spangled Banner.”

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Now get in the spirit with me, everyone! “America the Beautiful”! Bald eagles, hot dogs, Coca-Cola, ice-cold beer and Uncle Sam! While you may not know the athlete’s names or how the event is actually played (looking at you curling), please join me in getting a little choked up with national pride as an American Olympian stands atop the medal podium and our national anthem begins to play as the flags rise and embrace only one thought:

U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

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