Dig Baton Rouge

I Can’t Even

By Rickey Miller

 LSU students may not look or dress alike, but one thing they all have in common is the dreaded “I can’t even” moment.  No matter what part of campus you are in, these eight folks are bound to be close by.

 People who print 100 PowerPoint slides in Middleton right before class begin. Do they not even realize that I have to do the exact same thing?

Bus drivers who continue to pull off after seeing you run full speed to the bus stop. Thanks drivers, we love embarrassment and surprise cardio workouts.


People who wear their torn, smelly, unflattering pair of eighth grade Sperry shoes on campus. Let it go, let it go…Can’t hold it back anymore!

That student that never has a Scranton or a pencil for the test. Please stop saying “I’ll return the favor next time,” we all know you aren’t good for it. And to everyone else, stop giving this freeloader free stuff. We live in a free market – but it ain’t that free!

Girls who wear leggings as pants. Just in case you didn’t know, we can tell if you’re wearing panties or not. Leggings are the worst anyway – they cause ingrown hairs!

Bikers and skateboarders who speed down the walkways giving us all a mini heart palpitation. Although we love the enthusiasm you put into your workout, we prefer not to be run over.

That loud, obnoxious group of people in the Quad that either graduated semesters ago, dropped out, or never attended LSU. Yeah…enough said.

That guy who stands in Free Speech Alley proclaiming that we are all going to Hell.  Thanks a lot for that PSA, pal. Just FYI, if there’s no Bursar’s Office in Hell, it’s automatically better than the plain I currently inhabit.


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