Dig Baton Rouge

Pot-smuggling soldier, trouble in Sochi, soccer doppelgänger

LOSER: U.S. Army Sergeant caught with lots of ganja in Port Allen

If only stupidity was a capital offense. Sgt. Horace Brown of Cantonment, Fla. was caught with a lot of pot on his way from Fort Polk to Fort Bragg, N.C. after being pulled over for improper lane usage. State troopers seized 23 pounds of marijuana from the Sgt.’s car after receiving consent to search the vehicle. You’d think that with that much hash in the backseat he’d drive like a Catholic on the way home from mass, but it looks like you can take the driver out of Florida but not the Florida out of the driver. Brown was booked in the West Baton Rouge Parish jail and U.S. Army Criminal Investigation Command was notified of the arrest.

LOSER: Italian gay rights activist “arrested” in Sochi

Vladimir Luxuria, former communist lawmaker in the Italian parliament and current transgender rights activist, said she was detained in Sochi for carrying a rainbow flag that said in Russian: “Gay is OK.” This would be awesome and courageous if it were true, but the facts hint that it’s complete BS. The prison in which she claims she was detained has no record of her staying there. This could be authorities trying to cover up bad press, but the owner of Sochi’s biggest gay club, Mayak, said Luxuria was in the club and participating in a drag show around the time of the alleged detaining. Human rights issues are problems to be solved, not a pedestal for individual egos.

WINNER: Fan confused for top Liverpool striker Luis Suarez

Sorry Liverpool fans, looks like there’s more than one Suarez. An unnamed Iraqi man, who also happens to be a Reds fan, said he is often mistaken for the Premier League stand-out in an interview with Al Arabia at a Liverpool/Arsenal match. Everyone was even more confused after a picture of the doppelganger with Suarez’s strike partner Daniel Sturridge circulated online. It’s the dream of many fans to become their beloved players. But this fan has actually had to raise his hands shouting, “I’m not Suarez,” to keep from being mobbed. While totally inconvenient, it’s still awesome.

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