Dig Baton Rouge

Humor: Talking trending trends

Trends are weird. Trying to keep up with all of them as someone who just likes to wear jeans and a t-shirt is nearly impossible. There are tons of trends and movements, but unless you already know, you’re lost.

Most fashion is about creating a mystique around it. Weird, undecipherable fashion shows and limited runs of tee shirts that are supposed to be ugly.

It’s hard to know which blip in the fashion world you should devote yourself to for too long. Don’t worry, though—I’m here to make it clear.

You may have heard of “normcore,” the fashion movement that’s too cool to care and wants you to know that. This is basically the Steve Jobs wardrobe: dad jeans, basic turtlenecks and running shoes. It’s basic, bland and proud of it.

If you want to follow the normcore crowd, just wear simple, unpretentious clothing but act pretentious about it. Basically, dress like Daria and make sure everyone knows you’re acting like her.

Slide a little to the left on the Tumblr fashionista spectrum, you’ll find soft grunge. Soft grunge are kids who can’t really leave the ’90s: vintage band tees, clunky boots and torn jeans.

The single most important aspect is the St. Peter’s Cross. While this was a symbol of humility for St. Peter, finding himself not worthy of dying like Jesus, that doesn’t matter. It’s nonconformist, y’know? Just be careful to not take your eye out on those studs on the shoulders of your jacket.

There’s soft goth and pastel goth, but none of those matter — it’s all about health goth. You’re gonna wear lots of pentagrams, have multiple piercings and black and white tattoos.

The key, obviously, is to be healthy. They say exercise is a great way to beat depression, but you’ll prove “them” wrong – you’re gonna have the saddest six pack this side of the river.

Maybe you like the way athletic gear makes you feel but aren’t really sad? Then go the way of athleisure. This trend is simple: wear workout clothes.

You need to be comfortable and have lots of mobility when working out; you need the same thing to get your position on the couch juuuust right for that Fargo binge. Stretchy pants and loose tanks fit both bills.

So sit on your butt and let those control underwear make it look good while it expands from all the chocolate you gave up for Lent. Then, you work out every once and awhile.

While all these are great, there are a few fashion mutations specific to Baton Rouge. First up is Greekcore.

Wear huge shirts if you’re a woman with Nike tempo shorts, and cargos with a fishing shirt and wrap-around shades if you’ve got a Y chromosome.

Make sure to finish the look off with red cups, inappropriate jokes and a sense of entitlement! Once you’re out of college, just throw on an ill-fitting oxford shirt and pair it with a pair of Dockers.

The other Baton Rouge trend is very, very new: Trumpism. A huge new trend has popped up after the recent Trump rally in the River Center.

It’s an offshoot of Greekcore, so slip an American flag into a loop of that fishing shirt. Feather your hair like The Donald, but keep it from flying away with the ubiquitous red “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN” rope cap.

No matter what trend you choose to follow, be it pastel postal worker or longboard jabroni, just remember that whatever it is you’re wearing, it will be out of style in a few weeks.

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