Dig Baton Rouge


By Evan Rabalais

Being a twenty-something in 2015 is awesome. We’re sexually active, full of youthful energy, and none of us have a job, so we can use all that extra free time and expend some of that youthful energy being more sexually active. It’s great! Well, most of the time it is.
None of us want to admit to our shortcomings, especially in bed. But recently I fell victim to something that I thought only 70 year old men and paraplegics suffer from: Erectile dysfunction. I was embarrassed, to say the least, and didn’t have an explanation to give the lady lying next to me. I had no clue what to do. The only thing that made sense was to overreact, pretend I heard my phone ring, and then rush to go “pick up my friend because he got a flat tire and man I’m so sorry I have to go but I’ll text you soon have a good night bye now.”
Now to some people this might not sound like a big deal. Things happen, move on, you’ll get ’em next time, tiger. And you’re right, or at least you should be. I know women in their 30’s, and that’s how they’ve told me they would have responded. But this wasn’t a woman in her 30’s that I was laying next to. It was a 20 year old girl whose face just said, “What? Are you gay or something?” Because that’s what we know as a generation. We’re young, our equipment works, let’s get down to business. None of us admit when things go wrong. So when they do, they’re even more embarrassing than they should be because we’ve made it taboo to not be the best at sex every time we do it.
Guys, I’m here to tell you that it’s okay if you weren’t feeling it that night. You don’t have to go blaming the whiskey you drank 8 hours ago, or make up a lie about how you haven’t recovered from some crazy romp earlier (and definitely don’t tell her she isn’t hot enough you dumb idiots). It’s okay to not be 100 percent all the time. And ladies, please stop making fun of guys for moments like these. Make fun of us when we deserve it, like when the guy tries to make BS excuses for his penis not working or if he has a Boondock Saints poster on his bedroom wall.
Why is fine dining such a big deal? Because we need food, so why not treat ourselves to the very best of it? In the same way we’re programmed to want sex, so we should strive to enjoy it the best we can. Throw in some new positions, sprain your ankle, spend a few weeks recovering, and then try again! You and your partner will have a blast and a fun new story to horrify your friends with, but it won’t be a fun time if you spend the aftermath of that session making fun of someone for “ruining” it.
Sex should be a fun, judgement-free zone where two people can enjoy each other’s company and defy God without the

worry of being laughed at or talked about afterward. After all, it’s one of the only 3 things our brains are hardwired to look for. So why do we stress ourselves out so much when it goes wrong? I promise that whatever problem you’re having isn’t exclusive to you. You aren’t the only guy who couldn’t get it up, you weren’t the first girl to sneeze and pee a little, and neither of you needs to make a big deal about it. Just laugh it off and move on with your lives like adults, you jobless hippies. Together we can make sex fun again.

You could punctuate this quote but I kind of like how it all runs together in the context of the anecdote.


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