Dig Baton Rouge

The Bitter Lemon

By Holly A. Phillips

A few days after a great first date, I joined a guy named Justin for a second date. We met through mutual friends, and bonded over weird relationship stories.

For our second date, he invited me to his house for a casual night in.

While I’m a fan of a relaxing night at home, I was nervous. I’m noticing a pattern of men inviting me over to “hang out,” which results in me having to refuse sex.

Don’t get me wrong, I love sex, but I also want a serious relationship that’s based on more than physicality.

Hoping for the best, I went to his house and was pleasantly surprised to meet his roommate and a few of his neighbors. We all had drinks, cigars, and there was boudin on the grill.

Hours passed, and sure enough, we were in Justin’s bedroom. Justin is a really attractive guy; he’s into fitness and his body reflects that.

For this reason, it was really difficult for me to tell him that we weren’t going to have sex that night.

He asked why, and I told him it was only our second time seeing each other — I wasn’t ready (emotionally).

By this point in my life, I know that once I sleep with someone, I am in it, even if I don’t want to be. If I go on a few dates with someone and there are only a few kisses involved, it’s easier for me to get over them. But if we’ve slept together, chances are likely that I start caring a lot more, I view the relationship differently, and sometimes, I might get jealous.

Because of this, I’m making an effort to hold off sex until I know it’s something serious (or at least not a fling).

And yes, I know, I probably should not end up in the bedroom if I’m trying to avoid sex. This is something I’m working on.

Justin asked me why no sex?

I explained my theory to him; that I’d be upset if we slept together and then he never talked to me again.

He understood, but shared his side of the issue.

“I don’t think it has to be serious for two people to have sex,” he said. “It’s just something that happens when things are still being figured out.”

Leave it to a man to have that opinion.

I got it, but it didn’t change the fact that I wasn’t going to sleep with him that night. Take it or leave it.

I’ve slept with plenty of guys when it “wasn’t serious,” and while it’s fun, it’s also scary and can be emotional. It’s not a place I like to be.

With that, Justin explained that he wasn’t trying to just sleep with me, so it wasn’t a big deal.

So the sex was tabled (not literally), provided we kept seeing each other. The next day, he said he wanted to see me again. I considered that a win for my theory — unless he’s holding out for the big bang.

Read more about Holly’s sex theories on her blog, TheBitterLemon.com


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