By Holly A. Phillips
I’ve been on OK Cupid for almost a year. It’s not my favorite way to meet a potential boyfriend, but I just look at it as having another stick in the fire.
A few weeks ago, I met up with guy number four from Ok Cupid. We messaged for a few weeks before meeting face-to-face, but the messages were short. He said he really liked to just get to it and meet the person before getting into any serious conversations via online messaging.
I really appreciated that—no sense in wasting time.
So, we met at Nino’s, where he had a reservation.
He was definitely the same person as his picture (always a plus), and we had a really nice dinner. Over wine, salad, and seafood, we talked for hours.
On paper, it was a pretty perfect date. He was polite, the food was great, the atmosphere was a little romantic, we had plenty to talk about, and we laughed a lot.
But I didn’t get that feeling. I wasn’t sitting there wishing he’d kiss me at the end of the night.
This isn’t the first time this has happened to me, and I’ve noticed it’s a pattern when it comes to the men I meet online.When you message someone online, it’s impossible to tell if there’s going to be a physical spark once you actually meet in person.
The thing is, I was really disappointed when I didn’t feel that spark! As we were eating, I was thinking to myself, “Holly, this is the type of guy you should be dating.”
He’s smart, he’s in shape, he has a good job and goals, and he seemed to have good, genuine intentions.
I think some of my friends mistook the lack of spark for superficiality, which isn’t true. But while physical attraction isn’t everything in a relationship, it is a part of it. And I’m well aware that I’ve dated men who are in no way conventionally hot, but I’ve found them to be very hot and the sparks flew.
I’m not superficial, but if you think sexual chemistry or that physical connection isn’t vital to a relationship, you’re denying our nature as humans. We were created to have sex. Period. At the end of the day, I want to be dating someone that I just cannot wait to make out with. Is that horrible?
Yes, I’m hoping to connect with someone intellectually, but it has to be there, physically.
“Don’t you hate it when that happens?” My gym buddy could relate to me.
Yes, I hate it so much I almost feel guilty for feeling this way.
Truthfully, I’ve yet to feel a spark with anyone I’ve met online. There are times when I wonder if something is wrong with me. But instead of dwelling on it, I always tell myself that perhaps the person just deserves another chance. A spark can grow over time, right?
I usually go on a second date with the person (if they ask, of course) to see if there’s something there or not.
After the dinner at Nino’s, we hugged goodbye, and when he got home, he sent me a text saying he had a good time. I never heard from him after that, and I wonder if he felt the same way I did. It was a great date by the looks of it, but maybe missing that vital part of what makes a relationship exciting.
And it’s okay if he didn’t feel it, either. Because everyone deserves that feeling; that spark of something new and promising.
Read more about online dating on Holly’s blog, TheBitterLemon.com.