By Holly A. Phillips — @OrangeJulius7
“I definitely miss talking to you,” his text read. “I have some things in my past I need to work on. I took it out on you, and I sincerely apologize.”
Those were the words I’d wished for, for months after this guy told me he didn’t want to talk to me again, with no explanation as to why.
I spent weeks wondering what I did to piss him off so much that he’d never want to speak to me. And there it was: I’d done nothing.
In a way, I was completely relieved to read this, but in another way, the damage had already been done. One of the worst feelings in the world is having someone you trust turn on you, especially with no reason or closure.
When he did it, my heart broke. I felt insecure for weeks. I questioned whether or not I was even ready for a relationship.
I asked him why he did this to me and he said he has commitment issues and a habit of pushing people away.
Having “issues” is definitely something I understand, but I wondered what happened to him that made him so scared of a relationship.
Perhaps it was a previous breakup; or something with his family, though I’m fairly certain his parents are still together. It’s a question only he can answer.
As I get older, the odds of meeting people dealing with baggage or issues gets more likely. And there are things I’m working on, too.
But I hate to think that even at 30, some of us are dealing with things so difficult, we can’t even talk to people.
One of the most difficult things for me is learning how to forgive. I’ve got a lot of hurt in my past, and I’m really bad about holding onto grudges. I don’t claim to be bitter for nothing, folks!
There is a huge part of me that wants to forgive this guy and let him back into my life—assuming he even wants to be back, of course.
After his apology, he mentioned all the times he thought of me and wanted to message me, but was too afraid. We shared a decent number of good memories together in a short amount of time. And that’s something that doesn’t happen often.
But who’s to say he wouldn’t go cold on me again? And that’s the catch in every relationship. Love is always a gamble; one of the biggest bets you can make.
After a bad breakup several years ago, I sought the help of a therapist. I needed to know why terrible things kept happening to me—especially in relationships.
My therapist explained to me that everyone’s life moves in cycles. You may meet someone at the top of their mountain, or you may meet them as they fall.
How we treat others is in direct correlation to how we feel about ourselves or our situation at the time.
When people hurt others, it usually has nothing to do with the “victim” at all.
I don’t know what the future holds for this guy and me. Of course, I hope he can learn how to move past his issues and find a way to accept people into his life.
Perhaps we both just need to forgive those from our past and face the future with open arms. Sure, the house usually wins, but you just never know when the odds are stacked in your favor.
Read more about learning to forgive on Holly’s blog, TheBitterLemon.com.