By Holly A. Phillips — @OrangeJulius7
Last week, I got into a bit of an argument with the guy I’m seeing.
Okay, so we haven’t gotten into the logistics of our relationship yet, but we are basically seeing each other.
He’s very easygoing, and while I’d consider myself comfortable in that same category, I’ll admit I’m not quite as easygoing as he is.
And so we had a little fight.
You see, he really wanted to go to this party, and well, I pretty much didn’t.
I was half-okay with attending the party as long as he was cool with us leaving early. It didn’t mean we were actually going to leave early, I just like to have options.
And I’ll let you in on a little secret, he’s pretty social and I partake in hermit-like hobbies, such as sitting on my couch, alone.
Enter: the disagreement.
Yes, I know the premise of this argument is incredibly stupid. But it happened, and I’ll tell you what, the way someone fights in a relationship is very interesting.
In typical girl mode, I took his dire need to attend this party as an out for spending quality time with me. I legit thought that he would rather go to the party than hang out alone and possibly fool around.
Of course, that is not what he meant. He wanted to introduce me to his friends, which is sweet, right?
Yes, it is.
But sometimes I get so inside myself and I get insecure, and there’s just no coaxing me out of that zone. I was upset and I just wanted him to apologize.
But he didn’t feel as if he did anything wrong, so he didn’t know what to apologize for.
While I have no training in fighting fairly, I know you’re not supposed to attack each other, so I tried to explain where I was coming from and why I felt the way I felt.
I really do like this guy a lot, so I wasn’t trying to attack him and make the problem worse.
I ended up crying right in front of him (embarrassing), but he started to understand my side even though I had it totally wrong.
And he apologized, many times.
While I just kept going around in circles, repeating and analyzing things we’d already said, he finally just asked if we were going to resolve it.
And that’s what you have to do: make peace. Because in the end, the reality comes down to one question–do you want to be with that person or not?
Of course, it’s too early to tell if forever is the game, but I would certainly hate to ruin our potential relationship over a simple misunderstanding.
But not all arguments are easy, and I’m sure that one won’t be our last.
It’s a matter of knowing how to fight in a way that’s not going to haunt your partner for eternity.
I can recall fights with past boyfriends, where it seemed like they’d waited months for a fight to spill their best insults on me.
And those are some words I’ll never forget.
Truthfully, I hate conflict, and sometimes that blows up in my face. Since I just want to make things better, I apologize before I even know the problem.
A professional fighter knows his opponent’s battle style before stepping into the ring, and they’ve trained with it at the forefront of their mind.
In relationships, we’re going at it blindly – but we’ve still got to let our hearts lead the way.
Read more about fighting fairly on Holly’s blog, TheBitterLemon.com.