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The Bitter Lemon

By Holly A. Phillips — @OrangeJulius7

A good girlfriend of mine introduced me to the Myers-Briggs Trait Indicator test years ago. She knows the different types so well, a night out with her often results in discovering what personality traits people in the room have.

It’s fascinating.

Her knack for these traits have made her a beneficial matchmaker for me in the past, and last week, she introduced me to a new type of “trait” test.

She sent me a link to the “5 Love Languages” test after I told her I felt I was being misunderstood with men I meet.

The 5 Love Languages were created by relationship counselor Dr. Gary Chapman in his book of the same title, and you may be familiar with the term because of the popularity of his book surrounding the subject.

There are five love languages, and for some people, they coincide with the Myers-Briggs traits.

I’m a solid INTJ (introverted, intuitive, thinking, judging) on the Myers-Briggs scale, but when I took the Love Languages test, I scored the highest possible – a 12 – for “Quality Time.” This makes the ole QT my top Love Language, meaning this is how you really get to my heart.

Quality Time is all about undivided attention (guys on their cell phones when we hang out really irk my nerves), and I do admit, this is super important to me.

My second highest language, an eight, belongs to Words of Affirmation, meaning I value compliments and validation from my partner.

The other languages are Acts of Service (helping out at work or around the house), Physical Touch (pretty self-explanatory) and Receiving Gifts (also pretty straightforward).

So, what does all of this mean?

While the Myers-Briggs letters helped me discover my different personality traits, and how I work and interact with others, the Love Languages help me understand what makes me happy, and on the other hand, what really ticks me off, in my relationships with others.

Receiving Gifts only scored a 1/12 for me when I took the quiz. I’m not big on getting gifts. I’d rather spend time with my special someone than open a gift, which is why Quality Time was my number one. But, I know everyone is different.

The key is to understand your partner’s language, so you can cater to that and make them happy in a way they truly value.

When I really sit and think about it, the 5 Love Languages make a ton of sense.

In order to find your Love Language without taking the quiz, you can observe the way you show affection. You can also take a look at what you complain about most – that thing you’re missing in relationships might be the Love Language you’re missing.

You also may be able to discover your partner’s Love Language by paying attention to how they show you love; people often give love in the way they wish to receive it.

I don’t think one Love Language is better than another, or that particular languages “match” well with others.

It’s more about understanding the way you wish to receive love, and providing your partner with love in the way they wish to receive it, too.

As a singleton, I currently don’t have a romantic partner to test my theory on, but I’m ready for the next one to come along.

Before you know it, I’ll be speaking all five Love Languages like a pro.

Read more about love languages and traits on Holly’s blog, TheBitterLemon.com.

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