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The Bitter Lemon: Are we all afraid of commitment?

As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve become addicted to watching “Vanderpump Rules” on Bravo each week.

I’ve watched this show since its first season (season four just finished airing), and it’s a show that follows the very petty drama of the employees at an upscale Hollywood restaurant called SUR.

One of the employees, Katie, has consistently complained – during each season – about how her boyfriend-turned-fiancé has a problem with commitment.

It took years for her to coax him into proposing, and he’s constantly moving from one job to the next.

But I feel like men are always getting pegged for not being able to commit. Is it all men in general? Perhaps it’s just a personality type that’s scared off by promises.

I often see lots of articles based around, “How to get him to commit” or “The types of women a man will commit to,” and all of these seem pretty misleading.

I’d venture to guess that different types of men will commit to different types of women – and vice-versa, depending on their respective personalities. Right?

When you take a step back, it’s pretty obvious that our current societal situation isn’t really big on following through with commitments.

Right now, everything is offered to us quickly, and if we don’t get it fast enough, then we’ll just punish the world by staring at our phones every chance we get.

Dating apps, social media and even reality television (all things I’m a fan of), promote a lifestyle that’s fast-paced, fleeting and often self-gratifying.

So, I’ve got three reasons why all of us may be just a little terrified of committing:

1. We’re looking for the bigger, better deal. We all have expectations for how our lives are supposed to turn out. I’m definitely a fan of having standards, and not settling. But there’s also something to be said about giving something a chance long enough to see what it could be. Perhaps we’re too focused on what’s next, that we can’t see what’s right in front of us, which could be something good.

2. We self-sabotage, and/or are masochists. Whether your parents are divorced or every guy named Matt has screwed you over, there’s something in your blood that must be ruining dating for you, right? Not necessarily. If we’d get out of our heads (and believe me, I’m so guilty of this) every once in a while, maybe we could see that we’re not destined to fail. If I’m being super optimistic, I’d say that things are probably designed to work out for us all, we just have to let it happen.

3. We just haven’t met the right person yet. As cheesy as it sounds, I truly believe that once the right person comes along, all of this commitment horse s–t is going to go right out the barn window. That person, whomever they are, is going to make us stop saying we’re too busy, make us stop saying “I’m cool doing me,” and possibly make us stop asking, “Why does this keep happening to me?”

Instead, the past will not matter, and the future will look certain. And for once, perhaps only once, that certainty, that commitment, won’t be something to fear.

It will finally be something to embrace.

Read more about getting screwed over by Matts and commitment issues on Holly’s blog, TheBitterLemon.com.


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