By Holly A. Phillips
I’ve had a crush on this guy, Brian, for more than 10 years.
He went to my high school, and last year we reconnected. He lives in Indiana, and we had a date night when I was in town last summer. It was fantastic. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wonder about the potential of a serious relationship with him.
After our date, we continued to keep in touch. I sent him cards in the mail, we read a book together (and called it “Book Club”), and we even made plans to meet up again in May.
Around Valentine’s Day, he confessed he wished we were able to celebrate together. Uncharacteristically, he apologized and told me he knew he hadn’t been the nicest person to me, and he appreciated my company. He even told me that he checked his phone every day to see if I’d texted him. It was very sweet, and I was touched.
I asked him if he’d be interested in having a “FaceTime date,” so we could see each other. He said yes.
The day of our date, he said a work friend had come into town and wanted to do dinner. I said we could reschedule. He asked if I was mad, and I said, “Of course not.”
His friend was a guy, but I told him if he’d have ditched me for a girl I might have been a little jealous.
Brian didn’t reply, but I didn’t think much about it.
The next day, about an hour before our FaceTime date, Brian sent me a text saying he didn’t want to talk to me, ever.
“Your text freaked me out,” he said. “We aren’t even dating yet, and I will date other women.”
I tried to explain that I was just playing; I never thought or said we were dating; and we were both certainly allowed to date anyone.
But my text went ignored. I had done something so terrible, it didn’t even deserve a response.
Honestly, I get rejected all the time. The time I spend fretting over it is relative to how much I cared.
This time, I crawled into bed when the sun was still out, and I cried.
In the midst of my blubbering, I started to wonder, why are we so quick to cut people out of our lives? Sure, I pissed Brian off. But was it something bad enough to warrant The Ice Age treatment?
I don’t know why he told me all that sweet stuff and then closed the door on me, only weeks later. It seems like he was trying to tell me he was dating someone else, but why not just say that?
Because of the way he left things, I’ve got no closure, and only speculation.
A few weeks ago, I went to the midnight premier of the latest Nicholas Sparks’ movie, “The Longest Ride,” and one of the main characters said something to the effect of, “sometimes the people we are closest to can become absolute strangers.”
I’ve dated a lot of people that have just fallen off the face of the Earth, and I understand that’s the risk when we get close to people. But it makes me sad.
As I get older, I realize just how little time we have. The days and weeks are flying by, and we can’t find it in our hearts to give someone a second chance? (Note: this idea does not apply to any situation that includes abuse, addiction, or infidelity.)
I doubt I’ll hear from Brian again, and my closure will just have to be the confirmation that he’s not the one. I need someone who’s willing to forgive.
Read more about giving yourself closure on Holly’s blog, TheBitterLemon.com.