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The Bitter Lemon: Dealing with a setup

This is going to come out wrong, but I’ve been really lucky to have friends that don’t pressure me to be in a relationship.

Of course, my friends are rooting for me – they hope that one day I’ll find Mr. Right, but until then, they’re cool with the solo me.

There have been times when my friends have tried to set me up with someone, but there are two ways to go about this: the right way and the wrong way.

The right way is when a friend is truly looking to find your match, he/she asks you if the setup is okay, and/or if you’re interested in going along with it.

I had one friend give a guy my email address, and let me take care of it from there. It was sweet, and we actually dated for a few months.

I’ve had great experiences with this type of setup. The other type of setup is when the friend just wants you to date anyone.

Picture it: you’re out at a bar, there’s a person sitting alone with a beer. All of the sudden, that is your soulmate, according to your friend.

Let’s get this right, just because a person is single, doesn’t make him or her a match. And one more thing, it’s really difficult to know if someone is truly single. Right?

I was once out to dinner with a girlfriend; she was happily engaged, and she had a habit of asking every waiter we ever had if he was single. If so, she’d say, “You should date him.”

I knew her intentions were good; she wanted to get me out there and eventually be happy like she was. But, I also was starting to take offense at the people she wanted me to date. Did she think the waiter at Plucker’s was the best I could do?

Don’t get me wrong, I love hot wings and beer, but she was trying to set me up with people before even getting to know them. When I tried to brush it off, she told me I was too picky, and that I needed to give people a chance.

That was absolute bullshit. My problem has always been that I’m not picky enough, and that I give too many chances.

The tough thing is, there’s not a great way to deal with this. Of course, you don’t want to hurt your friend(s), but you also don’t want to deal with dating someone you’re not interested in.

If there’s a way to brush it off and forget it, I say go with that option first.

If not, consider what you can say to your friend to kindly get your point across. Whether you’re not ready to date, didn’t feel a spark with the potential setup, or you just don’t feel comfortable with it, a true friend should understand.

Sometimes, our coupled friends forget what being single is like – it’s not as easy as just dating the waiter at the next pizza place.

Unfortunately, even setups under the right circumstances can go wrong. And then there’s your friend, stuck in the middle.

In all cases, try to keep remembering that your friend has those good intentions. And try your best to leave your friend out of the middle, as difficult as it may be.

If a setup is how you’re destined to meet your match, then it’ll happen no matter what. And then, you can thank your friend at your wedding.

Read more about getting setup and cute waiters on Holly’s blog, TheBitterLemon.com.

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