A few weeks ago, I got into a pretty nasty argument with the guy I was “talking” to. Needless to say, we aren’t talking anymore; I even blocked his number.
Our argument was so ridiculous, I don’t know if I’ve ever been so mad in my life. I was shaking and spitting off insults about to him to my best friend.
“He’s a nutcase,” I told her. “I seriously cannot believe what a prick he is.”
A few days later, my friend brought to light what I’d been wondering all along but didn’t want to admit — maybe this “prick” was actually dating someone else, and he was just treating me poorly to let me down easy.
The thought of him with someone else made my heart sink.
When the anger subsided, I recalled that classic line I’ve heard for years, “Everyone’s an asshole.” Cynical? Maybe.
Google the phrase and you’ll be delighted to see the video explanation from College Humor: “Bradley will brag about how much he’s paid, and still he’ll complain of the cost of his maid.”
We all do things that would categorize us as assholes to at least someone in the world. Whether you’re the person talking in a movie theatre, the cheap tipper or my upstairs neighbor making laps in his apartment wearing cinder blocks for shoes, it’s likely you’ve pissed someone off at one point or another.
Me? I’m definitely an asshole. Sure, I volunteer once a month, I am always on time to meetings and I say “thank you” anytime a waiter refills my water glass. But, I know I do things that make people want to punch me.
I’m working on my manners when it comes to my phone (I’m always on it), my small case of road rage comes complete with horn honking and I’m totally guilty of loud snacking in my cubicle at work.
Of course, afternoon snack choices are a little different from straight up treating someone like crap in a relationship, but I think we treat others in a way that reflects how we feel about ourselves.
A few years ago, I was involved in a physical relationship with an engaged man. We ended it before he got married, and once he did get married, he apologized to me for putting me in the situation and ultimately hurting our friendship.
Although it was just as much my fault for agreeing to our relationship, I accepted his apology and forgave him. Whether or not I realized it at the time, I know he was going through other issues that led him to treat me the way he did.
I’m not saying we should just chalk all bad behavior up to life’s issues, but it’s worth considering.
It doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt like hell, or that the innocent party has to forgive.
But at the very least, it gives me a little bit of solace (in a weird way) to know that I’m not perfect, and there’s been times that one of my exes has ran to his friends and said I was a bitch or at least, crazy.
The thing is, it’s all about finding the jerk you can put up with, and one that’s going to put up with you, as well.
It’ll be a great person, not an asshole, and you’ll fall in love. And it will happen despite the fact that someone, somewhere still thinks your soul mate is an asshole.
Read more about coping with breakups and assholes on Holly’s blog, TheBitterLemon.com.