The Pope is Kinda Weird
“If, for example, tomorrow an expedition of Martians came to us here and one said ‘I want to be baptized!’, what would happen? Martians, right? Green, with long noses and big ears, like in children’s drawings…When the Lord shows us the way, who are we to say, ‘No, Lord, it is not prudent! No, lets do it this way’… Who are we to close doors?”
– Pope Francis expressing his alien baptism theology. He’s obviously not an M. Night Shyamalan fan. As we learned in “Signs,” water, like Will Smith, is an alien’s worst nightmare.
Marshall Henderson is Full of Crap
“My stance on gay athletes is irrelevant. The whole reason we chose to do this is because my friend is gay. If it was wrong for me to do it, so be it. I saw their reactions and thought we’ve got something brewing here. I knew I was sticking my neck out there doing it, but I wanted to see how people reacted. What better way to get research and feedback than to do it like I did. Everything I did is a psychologist and educator’s dream.”
– Former Ole Miss basketball player Marshall Henderson responding to controversy after he sent out a tweet criticizing ESPN’s coverage of Michael Sam’s televised kiss with his boyfriend during the NFL Draft. Henderson tweeted he was ‘boycotting’ ESPN for its ‘sickening’ display, but covered his tracks by saying he was helping a gay friend with a research project. If that whole basketball thing doesn’t work out, maybe Henderson can pursue his doctorate in bullshitting.
“You know, everyone’s a little bit gay … It’s the truth. Everyone’s gay – all it takes is one cocktail. And if that doesn’t work, sprinkle something in their drink. That’s what I always do.”
– Miley Cyrus on date rape and homosexuality. Hey, all’s fair in love and war – including roofies.
Bobby Jindal is Still not in Louisiana
“Today the American people, whether they know it or not, are mired in a silent war. … It is a war – a silent war – against religious liberty.”
– Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal during a speech at Liberty University last week. Jindal also defended, again, Phil Robertson, the “Duck Dynasty” star who compared homosexuals to practicers of bestiality and said blacks were happier as slaves last year. There has been no comment from people who, unlike Jindal, have fought in an actual war – and not a silent one – on whether or not being criticized for being a bigot compares to having a bullet fly past your face.
“THAT’S (NOT) RACIST!”
“We get it; the magnet schools are great. What about the tens of thousands of children who aren’t lucky enough to hit the lottery and get into the magnet programs? The goal of St. George is to create a school system that doesn’t need magnet schools.”
– City of St. George spokesman Lionel Rainey responding to a recent push from incorporation opposition to get signatures removed from petitions to separate from Baton Rouge. In case you weren’t paying attention, Baton Rouge, now’s the time when you play the race card, instead of actually discussing the underlying issues.