By Cody Worsham
Winner: Shorter men, longer marriages
You know what they say about tall men, right? Compared to shorter men, they have much larger…chances of getting divorced. According to a report done by researchers at NYU, shorter men marry later in life than their taller counterparts, but are 32 percent less likely to end their marriages in divorce. In addition to more successful matrimony, shorter men also do less housework when married and earn much higher incomes than their wives, who are less educated than the spouses of taller men. There it is, ladies, the key to lasting nuptials – toss out the high heels and literally lower your standards.
Loser: 4Chan continues to be creepy haven for weirdos
Sometimes, celebrities get naked to make money. Posing in Playboy or releasing a “stolen” sextape can launch new careers and rescue foundering ones. Hey, this is America: if you’ve got it, flaunt it, and make a buck for it. Consensual nudity, while still controversial, is at least done without a violation of will. But digital rape – a term I just made up and will define as stealing nude photographs and publishing them without consent – is sick and should be criminalized as harshly as real rape. This weekend, 4Chan hosted nude photos – stolen by hackers from iCloud and other cloud storage databases – of several celebrities who will remain unnamed in this column to prevent the perpetuation of the act, callously and disgustingly dubbed ‘The Fappening.’ 4Chan has long been the creepy corner of the Internet for lowlifes and libidinally-challenged degenerates; here’s to hoping the guilty parties are caught and processed beyond the fullest extent of the law. Go ahead and dox me, /b/tards – you’ll find no noodz.